Weekly Banjo #12: What To Drink When Your Significant Other Is Pregnant

This is a tough one.  You know that pregnant “glow” people talk about?  It’s usually short hand for, “She’s so pissed off that her organs are being re-arranged that she’s glowing with rage.”

Combine this fiery anger with the inability to drink (barring women who do not wish to have significantly retarded children), and you have a perfect storm for jealousy and censure.  What is a successful drinker to do?

Okay, I'd Be Pissed Off, Too.

A successful drinker’s first obligation is to a sense of opportunity, and there is a singular opportunity here.  There is a beer out there that she hates, and that beer is your friend–pardon–your BEST friend.

Let’s assume for a moment that my wife were pregnant.  To whom would I turn?  What variety was my greatest ally until I started looking for a common best friend for my wife and I to share?

INDIA PALE ALE.  The angrier, the better.  I usually ask brewmasters for cast-offs.  For bottled beer, the ubiquitous king of IPA is Bridgeport from Portland, OR.  You can find it most anywhere, and it’s delicious after rolled on the counter.

It makes little sense to anger your pregnant partner, so re-be-friending your old favorite prevents acute jealousy and allows you to happily enjoy your favorite beverage without being an incredible dick.

Hello, Delicious Old Friend.


4 responses to “Weekly Banjo #12: What To Drink When Your Significant Other Is Pregnant

  1. A Sex and the City DVD and a pile of dirty dishes keeps ’em off your back.

  2. You’d like to think that, eh?!

    I wish it were so easy.

  3. You certainly like to walk the tight-rope. Maybe by #3 you will have it down.

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