Polymath Just Handed Me My Hat.

Actually, he handed me my face on a platter, because I have never, EVER seen such a beautiful damned website.

Click here or be doomed to unsuccessful drinking.

The New York Times Front-Pages News of High Import

The NYT has written a feature article extolling the virtues of the growler, one of the cornerstones of successful drinking.

Be not surprised, but do be excited.  If it catches on with the pint-drinking crowd, it can only be a good thing.

The Weekly Banjo #15: Drinking Beer To Get Drunk

Yeah, I’ve heard it.  Here’s my response.

The Weekly Banjo #14: Successful Winter Drinking

Enjoy.

An Amusing, Informative Sidebar

WPoFD, an intrepid thinker with a lust for the good life, has shared this great link with me on the creation and history of the good life’s cornerstone.

All banjo links open in a new window.

Very, very funny.  Thank you.

Weekly Banjo #13: Extracurricular Activities

While your beer-drinking habits should rightly take most of your focus, drinking is most often done as a community exercise.  If you are not just drinking to “get drunk” (more on this aberration next week), here are some other activities you may want to try:

1. Trivial Pursuit.  Nothing beats trying to remember what the sam hell Cotton Mather did when the fog of three beers rolls over your eyes.
2. Poker.  Any variety.  Success comes with inhibition and intellect.  Don’t get too drunk, or you’ll go broke.
3. Scrabble.  Triple word score for awesome words?  Try coming up with the word “and” after one too many.

Remember that beer is a community beverage designed to make friends.  A game of Trivial Pursuit, Poker, or Scrabble may net you a friend for life.  Of course, if that doesn’t happen, you still have the best drink in the world in front of you to talk to.

Hello, Delicious.

Weekly Banjo #12: What To Drink When Your Significant Other Is Pregnant

This is a tough one.  You know that pregnant “glow” people talk about?  It’s usually short hand for, “She’s so pissed off that her organs are being re-arranged that she’s glowing with rage.”

Combine this fiery anger with the inability to drink (barring women who do not wish to have significantly retarded children), and you have a perfect storm for jealousy and censure.  What is a successful drinker to do?

Okay, I'd Be Pissed Off, Too.

A successful drinker’s first obligation is to a sense of opportunity, and there is a singular opportunity here.  There is a beer out there that she hates, and that beer is your friend–pardon–your BEST friend.

Let’s assume for a moment that my wife were pregnant.  To whom would I turn?  What variety was my greatest ally until I started looking for a common best friend for my wife and I to share?

INDIA PALE ALE.  The angrier, the better.  I usually ask brewmasters for cast-offs.  For bottled beer, the ubiquitous king of IPA is Bridgeport from Portland, OR.  You can find it most anywhere, and it’s delicious after rolled on the counter.

It makes little sense to anger your pregnant partner, so re-be-friending your old favorite prevents acute jealousy and allows you to happily enjoy your favorite beverage without being an incredible dick.

Hello, Delicious Old Friend.

The Weekly Question: What The Hell Just Happened?!

That was a good New Year.

WHA?!

The Weekly Question: Micro or Macro for the New Year?

Ah, sweet dilemma.

What shall it be for the new year:  a slow march to stupor with the macro-lager cocktails, or the swift and certain demise that only a microbrew can offer.

This is a great time of year for successful drinking; there’s hardly a way to do it wrong (bottles of wine are WRONG for this kind of thing).

The Weekly Banjo #11: The Holiday Míse

The holidays can be perplexing for aspiring drinkers; mixed drinks abound, from the jolly (hot buttered rum) to the preposterous yet palatable (egg nog–seriously, who was the genius who invented such a… well… whatever that is).

Poor, poor rum.

The truly successful drinker already knows that the holidays, populated with salts and roasted meats, are perfect for beer.  Do note that I used the word, “perfect,” for there is nothing greater than ANY beer with your holiday ham, turkey, tamales, cakes, pies, stuffing, potatoes, cakes, pies, or tamales.

Now We're Talking.

So, what is the “Míse”?  Simply put, it’s your setting.  Think of míse as a 38% component of successful drinking–unless you are at a McMenamins establishment, where míse accounts for 80% of your SD component.  Indeed, a frosty beer at the Edgefield can taste better than it actually does simply because the setting is so incontrovertibly awesome.  Creating a great míse in your own home may be the simplest task you undertake.  Here’s a quick primer:

1. Choose the surroundings that make you most comfortable and make them even more comfortable.  Drinking takes time, and you’re going to need a place to sit that won’t hurt your sitter.
2. Choose your soundtrack and insist that it play while you drink, and make certain it fits your surroundings.  For example, if you are in a cabin in the woods, songs that remind you of home may be the right way to go.  If you are ice fishing, the droning fan of your space heater is likely the best soundtrack, etc.
3. Get some food.  Beer makes you hungry, and you should be ready to indulge this hunger while you have the chance.  Salt makes the palate happy when the beer comes to wash it away, so have cheese, bread, and other salty etcetera to eat while you enjoy.
4. Make it the right place to drink.  This isn’t a snobby thing to do, but often, people avoid the effort due to a level of embarrassment with creating ideal situations for themselves.  If you have this kind of embarrassment taking root in your conscience, ignore it or throttle it to death.  There is no such thing as an embarrassed successful drinker.

Creating a míse takes time and work, but it makes your drinking exponentially more successful.  Think of it: a frat party without a keg of macro-lager is simply ludicrous.  If I saw one so sorely lacking, I would leave immediately.  Conversely, if I attended such a party with nothing but local high-gravity micros, I’d feel very (very) out of place, and I’d likely leave due to discomfort with my surroundings.

Everything has its rightful place and time.  Successful drinking includes knowing what these places and times are.